I found out something very interesting. Awhile back, I was surfing the web and I stumbled upon a blog titled, "A Letter to my Future Husband." At first, I was confused as to why this blogger would write to someone she hasn't even met yet let alone do so with utmost certainty that she will marry someone in the future. I was so dazzled by her letter that I ended up researching the topic and came across countless blog posts from innumerous woman all over the world writing and sharing their letters that they had written to their future husbands. It not only inspired me, but it amazed me how faithful these women are. I rationalized to myself that these women are hopeless romantics who are merely lonely and are in desperate need of attention, commitment, and a romantic relationship. To prove myself wrong, I then searched, "A Letter to my Future Wife" and much to my surprise, I found similar results: countless letters from innumerous men all over the world addressing their future wife. Could all these people, both men and women, really be hopeless romantics? Or was something else going on here? Was God guiding them? Was their heart in a pure, faithful, holy place? The more I read these letters, the happier I became. I've lost so much respect for "love" in this world because my generation has tainted it in so many ways but to see women my age writing blogs to their future spouse and men my age doing the same, was truly an eye-opening experience. It restored my faith in humanity and in love. I was stunned by these individuals. Interestingly enough, their letters resonated with me on a deeper level...
My future husband, I may not have been writing letters to you for years but I have thought of you throughout my life. Not in a vague "someday, oneday" manner, but in an actual, literal, real and specific way. I could feel you, hear you, dream of you, and practically see you throughout my life. But I never got a glimpse of your face or body, instead, I got a glimpse of your heart and your soul. All I can say is that I am enamored by you. I've had these experiences of you for so long that I realized these women and these men bloggers were not lonely, or desperate for anyone's attention, they were simply sharing what they wholeheartedly felt and experienced; just like any blogger who shares any other experiences. All this time i've been blogging about my academic life, my spiritual journey, or my personal life lessons that I've learned, but I must admit, you are definitely one of those experiences worth blogging about and so now I've become inspired to not only write to you but to also share one of these letters openly so that others may relate with me to some degree or to them have this blog post just confirm my craziness!
I came across the whole idea of writing to your future spouse over a year ago and I've been writing to you for awhile now--not often, but every now and then... whenever I feel guided to. I may just give all my letters to you on the day of our wedding if we ever have one. You have become some sort of a journal for me. Someone I can vent to whenever I see another relationship crumble before my very eyes or someone whom I can celebrate a moment with whenever I see an elderly couple walking side by side in the park. You are already so therapeutic! I am looking forward to our future and I am so excited for what will come our way. I can't say I'm 100% ready for that yet, but then again, can anyone ever say really say that? I'm not writing this blog to get you right now. Truth be told, I don't want you right now. I'm not ready for you yet, but I will be soon. I'll want you when God wants us. I'll let Him decide whenever that may be.
I never really used to think about us at all. In fact, I've been so focused on working on myself and improving my relationship with myself and my God so much of my life that I would laugh at the thought of you whenever you would cross my mind. Mainly because a big part of me doesn't fully believe in the idea of two people harmoniously spending the rest of their lives with one another. It seems like eventually one person just stops trying or gives up too soon. Don't get me wrong, I love the idea of monogamy, it's actually the only thing I want so badly to believe in. I just feel like after everything I've witnessed and experienced in my life, it's very difficult to grasp the idea of a happy marriage. But maybe you can be the one to prove me wrong. I realize any relationship-especially a marriage-is not a one-man-show. It's takes two to tango. I also realize, we will have our ups and downs. There's a lot more to say about this but I'd prefer to have this as a conversation rather than as a monologue and I'd prefer to have that with you in person not over this blog post. So let me cut myself off here and save the rest of this for our many decent conversations for when the time comes. For now allow me to share with you something fun I did not too long ago.
Over a year ago, there was a world-wide trend on twitter with the hashtag #ToMyFutureHusband. It's actually a common topic that trends but I took part in it for the first time awhile back and since then, I've been adding to it. Basically you add the hashtag and then you insert a comment. Here is a compilation of my tweets/notes for you. I presume I will look back at this years from now and get a kick out of it. Maybe you will too. But I don't expect you to stumble upon this entry or these notes. In fact, I'd rather we share these things about ourselves in person. But since I found it to be very therapeutic in creating these notes, I thought to share them. Indeed, it's nice to think about what you want out of a future, out of a marriage, out of your future spouse and yourself. I'm glad I did this and I encourage every man and woman to do the same. It really does help put things into perspective. If you haven't noticed already, there's quite a lot of notes. I may add more to this in the future whenever I feel guided to do so.
#ToMyFutureHusband having children before i'm 30 is like leaving a party before 8PM to me #notgonnahappen
#ToMyFutureHusband if you wanna spend the rest of your life with me, learn to embrace the idea of an egalitarian household #Equality
#ToMyFutureHusband i've moved a lot in my life, I’d like to settle down. But if we must move for whatever reason, we’re hiring professionals. With a truck.
#ToMyFutureHusband please know how to change a flat tire. i don't do that stuff.
#ToMyFutureHusband hate to break it to you, but I don’t know how to cook nor do I have the passion in doing so. Hopefully you know how to cook or we can learn together when we have the time. Otherwise, I’m used to pick-up catering & I’d have no problem doing it for the rest of our lives.
#ToMyFutureHusband not a fan of rings so please don’t get me a big engagement/wedding one. let’s just keep it elegantly simple & humble
#ToMyFutureHusband I’m into street magic & chances are I will do tricks on you & our kids for the rest of our lives. Hopefully you’ll join in on them with me but even if you decide not to, I’d like to believe there is a magic about you that I’ll never be able to quite figure out.
#ToMyFutureHusband i don't need flowers, chocolates, jewelry, or anything like that to keep me happy. all i ask for is your love & loyalty.
#ToMyFutureHusband the quickest way to win my heart is to show chivalry. Manners put the man in gentleman.
#ToMyFutureHusband even after 25 yrs of marriage, I’d like to still spend at least 1 day of the week together #datenight …..oh yeah & also with the kids when they’re born, board games are always fun
#ToMyFutureHusband I’m a picture person, if you haven’t noticed already… that doesn’t mean I’ll plaster all our pics over social media but I def know the value in capturing a memory, I hope you do too. If not, I may have to convert you d:
#ToMyFutureHusband I’m against PDA (public display of affection) on the streets, public transportation, online, etc…. The matters of the heart are a personal affair. I loathe people who overwhelmingly broadcast their relationship to the world, let’s not be that insecure of one another.
#ToMyFutureHusband I hope you feel the same way: “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” Actually, if I decide to marry you, it is because you do feel the same way…<3
#ToMyFutureHusband I’ve always been the designated spider killer in my life. How about whenever we see one, you let me take the back seat & you get rid of it instead?
#ToMyFutureHusband we should never rush the things in our life that we want to have forever. Lets take it slowly…
#ToMyFutureHusband I’m a true gamer at heart. Always have been & always will be, If you are a gamer too, well let’s just take all our anger out on each other through video games (: that will help keep the fighting to a minimum while also making it enjoyable (;
#ToMyFutureHusband I have a thing for fireworks. Something so mystical about them. This means every New Years Eve & 4th of July means the world to me.
#ToMyFutureHusband Valentine’s Day to me is a day of unconditional love not merely romantic love, so please don’t take offense when I prefer to go out with our friends & do a group thing to celebrate my love instead of just spending the entire day with you. Besides, every day is “valentine’s day” when you’re in love (;
#ToMyFutureHusband my friends are my life. If you cannot accept them, then I cannot accept you. My friends are the one thing I will never compromise. I hope you feel the same way about yours.
#ToMyFutureHusband I have a strong temper when it comes to saying one thing & doing another. Please be man enough to live up to your words as I assure you I am woman enough to live up to mine. If you say you’re gonna call, call. If you say you’re gonna show up at a certain time, show up. If you’re late at all, you best show up with a kitkat or a twix to make it up to me!
#ToMyFutureHusband I hope you know that things aren’t always going to be okay, & that’s okay.
#ToMyFutureHusband don’t worry so much about impressing me, more importantly, impress my parents. Their opinion will always be more than enough for me. Even if I don’t agree with it.
#ToMyFutureHusband Word of advice, when it comes to meeting my parents, just be yourself. My parents are hands-down the most open-minded people I’ve been blessed with in this life, & if you’re truly genuine with them, they will be happy to have met you.
#ToMyFutureHusband marriage is a beautiful thing. I can't say my whole heart firmly believes in it...but I’m willing to try it out & give it my best shot
#ToMyFutureHusband I break out in accents every now and then to keep myself entertained or to ease the tension of any situation. I just don’t know how else to do it.
#ToMyFutureHusband Don’t judge me when I say this, but I truly, madly, deeply, love McDonalds. Let’s hope I love you just as much.
#ToMyFutureHusband I want our marriage to be more beautiful than our wedding
#ToMyFutureHusband a poem, a quote, a card, or anything inspirational from you will mean so much more to me than a rose, a diamond, or a branded item ever will.
#ToMyFutureHusband I’m not the kinda woman who forgets who she is or where she comes from after being committed to someone. So no matter what we are doing at the time, when my loved ones need me, I will be there for them. This has happened before & it will happen again.
#ToMyFutureHusband Unrealistic expectations can kill a relationship. Let’s keep it real.
#ToMyFutureHusband personally I don’t want a wedding. But my parents are gonna force me to have one. This is not a phase, I’ve felt this way all my life. If it were up to me, I’d just have a court marriage where you show up, sign the license, and leave. I believe our love can be celebrated in many other meaningful ways but if we must have a public display of our union in the form of a wedding, I’d appreciate it if we keep it as small as possible. Again, not a fan of PDA.
#ToMyFutureHusband In regards to the previous note, Derek Shepard (McDreamy) & Meredith Grey got married on a post-it. On the other hand, Isabel Stevens & Alex Karev, in celebration of their marriage, had a huge wedding. The former are still happily married with kids. The latter divorced & never created offspring #GreysAnatomy #postitweddingsforthewin!
#ToMyFutureHusband my parents will always speak their mind, even when it’s inappropriate to do so. I apologize in advance.
#ToMyFutureHusband a lot of parents will do anything for their kids except let them be themselves…lets take a lesson from that.
#ToMyFutureHusband nothing haunts us like the things we don’t say. Communication is key. Lets never forget that.
#ToMyFutureHusband your love will be safe with me. The question is, will mine be safe with you?
#ToMyFutureHusband I will always listen to you when you speak & I hope you do the same for me. Such is the art of conversation.
#ToMyFutureHusband, I will always try to understand you, especially when we disagree.
#ToMyFutureHusband the thing about pain, is that it demands to be felt. Let’s try & feel it together so we can learn from it, put it aside, & then move forward onto the next life lesson
#ToMyFutureHusband I dare you to let me be your one and only. If you can’t commit to that then I can’t commit.
#ToMyFutureHusband if you ask me how many times you’ve crossed my mind, I’d say once, because you never really left
#ToMyFutureHusband all my life I’ve been told I think like a man. This may finally work to your advantage as well as mine when we are trying to sort things out with one another. I am very straightforward so whenever you ask me how I am, I will not merely respond that I am “fine” if I’m not. I don’t play games & I don’t like making you play detective either.
#ToMyFutureHusband I myself am made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions~
#ToMyFutureHusband not everything works out. Some things just fall apart… Let’s try hard not to be one of those things…
#ToMyFutureHusband I hate ignoring people because I know what it’s like to be brutally ignored. I also can't stand liars because I know what it's like to have someone repeatedly lie their way out of my life. I hope we are both mature & courageous enough to make things right with one another whenever things go wrong, in a truthful and honest manner.
#ToMyFutureHusband I can’t sleep on an argument, I’d rather stay up and fight because I have faith no matter what we fight about, we will make it through the night and come out stronger on the other side
#ToMyFutureHusband I truly believe a smile is a curve that sets everything straight. Whenever we are in a heated argument, just crack a smile & I won’t be able to keep myself from smiling back. Then the argument will naturally subside… Works every time. #ultimatecheatcode #youcanthankmelater
#ToMyFutureHusband a strong woman doesn’t need anyone who doesn’t need her. I will never beg for what I already deserve so please don’t ever put me in a situation where I have to tell you that to your face.
#ToMyFutureHusband if a man can’t handle a woman in sweatpants, he sure as hell doesn’t deserve her in a wedding dress
#ToMyFutureHusband my last name is very important to me, for it is part of my identity. How would you feel if I asked you to give up who you are? Just as my mother kept her name, I might do the same. However, I don’t mind our children carrying your name. In fact, I may even decide to hyphenate mine in the future (depends on how cool your last name is lol). We’ll see, whatever works for the both of us (:
#ToMyFutureHusband I pretty much had to be the “man of the house” growing up so excuse me when my feminine moments burst out randomly. They’ve been repressed for so long.
#ToMyFutureHusband I hope you don’t snore. That would suck. I had to spend the early years of my life dealing with my sister snoring next to me in the same room. I would hate to have to spend the later years of my life dealing with your snoring too.
#ToMyFutureHusband I really don’t know how to cry. Some people I know can do it whenever they want to. But it takes a lot for me to do so…I just don’t see the point in it… I’ve never seen my father cry in my life nor any man of my past. So I’m not used to it. But if you do cry, I won’t judge you for doing so. I’ve learned that when people cry, it’s not because they’re weak, it’s because they’ve been strong for too long.
#ToMyFutureHusband I have inappropriate affect. Everyone in my family does actually. We tend to laugh ridiculously hard during sad events at inappropriate times and/or places & we usually cannot hold it in. It’s our coping mechanism. We do that instead of cry. We also get in a lot of trouble for it. So please keep that in mind when you see us bursting out laughing during a sad scene at the theatre & everyone telling us to keep quiet or perhaps having to awkwardly leave during a funeral. We cannot hold our laughter in. I hope you understand…
#ToMyFutureHusband “Someday, someone will walk into your life and make you realize why it never worked out with anyone else” I like to believe that someone is you.
#ToMyFutureHusband some men believe a real woman is someone who constantly paints her nails, loves shopping, wears skirts/dresses on a daily basis, and expects her man to take care of her as well as everything else. I hope you can agree with me when I say a real woman is someone who, in the midst of all dysfunction and chaos, can practically manage a house and raise a family before ever starting her own, survive hardships of a lifetime, and make something of herself. I’ll let you see for yourself how real of a woman I am…
#ToMyFutureHusband likewise, some women may feel a real man is someone with 6-pack abs, a fancy car, and a big house all of which his parents practically gave him. I’ve been exposed to these types of guys, and I am not impressed. I hope you can agree with me when I say a real man is someone who just like a real woman is self-made, self-reliant, and self-aware; Someone who can manage and help raise the family he was born in, while at the same time making a name for himself while overcoming all obstacles that come his way. I’ll let you show me how real of a man you are…
#ToMyFutureHusband it is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages…lets never take our friendship for granted
#ToMyFutureHusband we’re allowed to make mistakes. But not the kind that destroys everything that’s at stake; everything we’ve worked so hard to create….Those aren’t mistakes, those are selfish desires & self-motivated choices made in a moment of weakness. We are so much more better than that.
#ToMyFutureHusband I will never spoil you & I ask that you never spoil me. It would render my entire past meaningless if you did. I worked hard to be the person I am now & I would hate to have that taken away from me. With that said, please don’t make me work extra hard for anything either. Attention, time, & respect are expressions of love that should be freely given in any relationship.
#ToMyFutureHusband just because I don’t say “I love you” in every conversation we will have, doesn’t mean I don’t feel it. I just don’t’ like playing with such a strong word. We should use it when the moment is right & not overuse it just because the moment is simply there.
#ToMyFutureHusband You may disagree, but I learned the hard way that love is not enough. But loyalty is. As long as we keep fighting for one another, we will have each other for as long as we both live.
#ToMyFutureHusband people protect what they love. How far are you willing to go to fight for your future family?
#ToMyFutureHusband if you’re a WWE fan, you just shot up 100 points in my book. I come from a family where WWE is in our blood. Whenever there’s a live show in our area, we all go to it. If you’re not a WWE fan, that’s okay. I’m sure you & your family have your own passions & traditions.
#ToMyFutureHusband I believe my biggest flaw is that I over-analyze pretty much everything. It’s a headache and a heartache. If you do the same, perhaps we can work on this together.
#ToMyFutureHusband hey Love, let's be nothing...I hear it lasts forever...
#ToMyFutureHusband Don't idolize me. Everyone I have ever loved put me up on a pedestal then knocked me down soon as they realized I am not that great. So let me just save you the trouble & tell you right now, I am not that great. Don't put me up on a pedestal. Just let me stand by you & I will never leave your side. Don't glamorize me. Don't obsess over me or lavish my soul with all the riches of your world only to leave it in loneliness and poverty soon as you find idolatry in something or someone else. Don't make me out to be something I am not. & please don't ever tell me we are forever, unless you are a fortune teller. We don't know what tomorrow holds, all we have is today. Knowing that at any moment we could lose each other, may be the only reason why we never will. Let's stay humble. Let's keep it real.
#ToMyFutureHusband Let's raise children who won't have to recover from their childhoods.